Talking Time Bomb
November 13, 2009
Written by: Sina Him
In this room of black and white, with holes punch to the walls by endless hammering of nails.
I stand in the middle of the room. Turning around and around in my mind.
Thinking of ways to come out. Come clean.
Feelings of mixed emotions. What do I want?
Have a man that loves me back? or to let go of a man that breaks me in so many ways.
Here now, the talking time bomb has errupted.
Arguments to the next, one too many to count.
A shout, a yellow. Perhaps tears and a raise of the voice.
I CAN NOT DO THIS ANYMORE!
Three hours later, came to a conclusion.
I indeed am in love with a man that I hate to love, and love to hate.
Happy ending and so it seems.
With a question. Let us get marry.
July 31, 2009
Written by: Sina Him
To live is to let learn,
to love is to let go,
to inspire those who walk among darkness,
to step into the light of fruitful happiness,
to dream that they one day will be safe,
to see what is the unknown,
to prepare for those who are in the knowing.
July 30, 2009
Written by: Sina HIm
What lies within my heart?
I really can’t tell any apart.
Between what is love of a man? What is God’s love?
I really don’t know where to start.
I met a man, that shares my pain and cares for my well being.
He told me that he loves me and yet don’t know what it truly means.
My heart has thought that it’s been filled by a man that claim his love.
Why does my heart feel half empty?
Does God love me? Does he exist?
Someone once told me, he does exist to those who believes.
He lies deep down within our hearts.
Is that the reason why my heart feel as though it is not happy.
Even if I have earn a love of a man but it is nothing without
the true love right under God’s hand.
Why is it so hard to just understand?
I only just want what is best for us to really seek true happiness.
With all the packages that comes within True Relationship.
Understanding, Trust, Faith, Communication, Honesty, Care and Love.
Are we really in the relationship or we just lying to our selves?
Where do we stand?
July 26, 2009 @ 10:42pm
Written by: Sina Him
We knew each other from way back when, barely understanding what it means to be in a relationship. Seeing you across the room has brought back so many childhood memories. Getting to know you was quite the journey. Seeing you being a wonderful friend and a loyal g0d-brother. I saw you and stalked you, I knew what I wanted and oddly you taken in my weird arrangement of affection. We gave it a shot then called it quits only a month later passed we enter a mutual relationship of four years of committment. Although it seems to be healthy but in fact a lot of fights and disagreements went on for endless nights. No trust, no communications, no acceptance.
Where do we stand?
The few times that we confess is when your too drunk to recall what you said just the other night. The working stress and frustration shows as it is written upon our face that we’re force to hide to deny.
Where do we stand?
Every other night I cry myself to sleep, thinking is it me that makes you unhappy?
Drinking your stress away tells me that is part of the case.
“I’m not happy with money and how my life is going.“
That is what you said upon one of the drunken nights of confession. If it is I that makes you unhappy then why do you continue to stay with me for the total of four years and counting.
“Because you don’t know how much I love you.“
Every word is a swear word for you to just hurt me. Every put down is for you to just be a complete jerk.
“If our relationship wasn’t going no where, I would of left along time ago.“
Every tear that I shed upon my pillow bed is because I am staying because you told me that is what makes you happy.
My emotions is in complete duress when I am forced to leave a friendship between a best friend because of your hatred. Forcing to choose to break a friend’s heart rather than a man that claims my heart. We live and strice a whole lot of things to maintain the relationship that you just finishing telling me you do not know the true meaning of love. Back track and view what is it that I have said or done to make you change the way that you feel? It is when you didn’t take no for an answer.
“I care a lot about you but I just don’t trust you.“
What is a relationship if there are no number value of trust, communication, and acceptance?
With crooked teeth I was able to accept. My weight being curvy you were able to learn to accept. So why must we change our selves to be accepted?
Oh where do we stand?
To love, To live, To dream
July 25, 2009 @ 10:27pm
To love with all of our tender hearts that beats to a rhythm of
thumb-thumb, thumb-thumb,thumb-thumb.
To hear a heart beat is a musical sound as you jump and down.
Breathing the air of your surroundings as you watch a sun-set with your beloved one.
Pace back then pace forth searching for a moment of clarity.
Pain comes in and sets within our soul, you pray that it, in time subsides as you lay in vein
on a bed of that not your own.
Tick-tock, tick-tock the monitor beats, you survived.
Look now, reach out for what you realize that you have been given a second chance to live
the best way that you knew how.
Living is to test your ability, seizing an opportunity of doors that you walked upon,
that tunnel of light that stands clear and bright.
With a blink, you open your eyes to see what it means to dream.
You choose what you want to be and no one can say otherwise.
Take a ride
July 25, 2009 @ 7:50pm
Take a ride on the subway line.
What do you seek to feel, to travel with joy, and peaceful harmony?
To feel the pleasure of singing out loud, where your voice is heard.
So beautiful, so graceful just like an angel.
Is this for real?
The way that it could be,
the way that it should be,
the way that it would be,
for those who are musicians.,
Although a dizzy feeling has taken me by surprise as I am force to
take a ride on the subway line.
My headaches for me in so much pain, it cries to take a hitch all the way
to the safety of my pillow of which I placed my head upon and tried to aim
and dare to take a ride on the subway line for another day.
Pain
July 25, 2009 @ 5:32pm
Pain striking to the core of my head that I can’t comprehend.
How did it happen? Why did it happen?
Day one, caught in a stormy rain.
Day two, sore throat occur.
Day three, the heat brought fever to my head
Day four, a pain took place towards the left side of my head.
Day five, went to the doctor and she said, you still have the fever and must stay in bed.
Day six, another type of pain that seem to be worse early in the morning, it gains through the entire day,
fear of noise, and fear of light so discomfort to my dismay.
Day seven, the soreness of the throat has subside. But wait, what’s this? Acough that keeps me awake through out the entire night.
Day eight, 2 large test tubes and 3 small test tubes that contain the blood that has been collected.
Unaware, what am I being tested for?
Pain that still remains upon my head to the left side of my lower abdomen
Oh dear pain please release me and do not prey on
my body no more.
Expect
July 25, 2009 @ 2:05pm
Expect, What is to be expected?
When you’re enroll in school,
you expect to educate and excel to a higher grade.
Expect, What is to be accepted?
When a friend has seen your flaws, they respect to accept
the way that you are, not forcing you to change.
Expect, What is to be respected?
When you go out of your way to save a life, you’re respected and exceptional hero.
Expect, What is the unexpected?
When you heart is broken in two, unable to mend even if given with time.
Expect, What it mean to flare?
When a spark between two people in love, has enough amount of passionate flame to flare.
Although in life you’re expect to choose a path of fruitful Righteousness
or a fruitless Evilness, the consequences is just beyond compare
or even to repair.
Gentle Lips
I see those lips so light and peach,
the feel is so tender and softly divine.
To touch those unlock able lips is a
test that I haven’t yet reach.
What is hers is not yet quite mine.
It’s indeed small in size but tiny as may be
very seductive that it blows my mine.
Just a look at those gorgeous gentle lips
so kissable but yet, not yet quite mine.
Is it those lips that I have seek for all these time
of searching for the right one to match my own.
So I call upon and down on one knee to ask
a young ladies hand.
Will you be mine?
Marry me and please say yes because
your lips and mine are one of a kind.
By: Sina Him
(Thinking of my beloved John)
note: This poem is written by me but it also sounds as if I was speaking of another women but ladies and gentlemen I was writing on behalf of John since he doesn’t not write.
Seasons Changed
Legs to the limbs as it quivers when a cold shiver has sent
its way down towards the spine causing a great
rift to pretend that nothing was wrong.
What was long and foretold that when you feel
something that is so chilled that your grave
has been marked by the heel of someone that will
kill you in more ways than one.
Killing you emotionally one,
killing you softly twice tingles two,
killing you physically three.
Yet the trees that stand among the living
still withers away as the falls turn to gray
and boy it’s not a summers day.
Autumn is here and soon winter will appear
and snow will fall amongst the atmosphere.
Three seasons changed so when will it be back to one.
By: Sina Him
Will you marry me
I rowed and rowed then bowed
below to sit upon a wonderful soul
he looks at me with his great blue eyes
and glides his hands down my outer thighs
then reach for my hands to caress his lips
and a kiss we shared with the lock of our
hips.
A night to remember during the month of
september that we shared a bond so strong
that my heart almost sang a song then I knew
nothing was wrong.
It was long but yet so slow that it torn
up my thong that it started to glow with
lights of green beneath the screen.
I shout, I screamed of joyful and amazement
that this night just might be the last sight
I any other soul because that was when
he held my hand up high and said Will you
marry me and I said Yes I will marry you.
By: Sina Him
July 22, 2005
Have I told
Have I told you how much to you mean to me
Have I told you how much much that I still care
and even though distance has brought us to be
our love can never be too rare.
Have I told you how much you get on my nerves
Have I told you how much your hugs gives me a chill.
Although you are treated to what you mostly deserve
but I feel like our love is going up and down a hill.
Have I told you how much it hurts to watch you fight
Have I told you how much it tears me to see you in pain
To see with all and everything in my sight
that you indeed are my hearts completed gain.
Have I told you how much my heart desires
Have I told you how much it calls your name
for all memories that approaches by in the heat of fire
what you are will never change because to my eyes would always
remain the same.
A love that I can feel
Lost within and torn apart
between heartbreaks after
heartaches that it saddens
why I was ever ready to fall
in love again.
Pushed away by sorrow and
tearful cries that I can
no longer have a love that
I can feel.
Can no longer have a love
that I can touch, a love that
I can see.
Whats hidden within no one
cant see nor feel the emotions
that shatters the glasses that
pierced my soul.
Although what I felt for him was
real and true but what hurt most
was that he didn’t feel my love
and I couldn’t feel a love of any
other.
What’s real? A love that has been
cast away a shore and found again.
Or a love that has always been there
but you just couldn’t feel it, couldn’t
see it but never knew that it was there
until that love was lost.
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